I was reading a magazine today. Where they wrote a lot of women give up/cancer patients, they want go get treatment, afraid of going through it alone. It hurts me, because no one should ever go through something like this alone. They wrote about a program call BOLD. This program helps in different places, to get you where you need to go.
I am a CANCER survivor of 12 years. I promise, I know what alone is and being married at the same time. I know jealousy, the hurt, and I’ll look good to the world, but behind close doors it’s totally a different scene.
It’s hard to talk about being damage. I want to be better than all the things I’ve been through. He was the greatest at making the world believe he was stand up kind of guy. He was to them. Tears seem to always come when I try to write about my horror stories.
My life, one short story, this is after I lost all my hair. I was so ashamed. I have always had hair. My husband, one night ask, “if I would take my scarf of my head.” I didn’t want to, I was to self-conscience. He began to scream at me, yell, curse, until I did it. I was everything . but a child of God. Then he said, “you’d do it for every man you’ve ever fuck in this life. I felt pretty low, you could have swept me up like dirt.
I went through chemo with him acting like a champion. I remember my biggest worries where, would I be around to raise the children. Then came radiation in seem to last forever five days a week rain or shine. I drove myself. I’d sit alone, this went on for a year all the treatments together. Once, my sister met me at chemo, she ask, “how do you do this every day by yourself?” I said, “I just do.” Back then, I’d do anything to keep the peace. He never wanted me to have friends or family around or he would lose it. He did that a lot, any way, but that’s another story.
What I want you to know is you are never along. It may seem like it, even look like. I talk to God a lot. I prayed a lot. I hope a lot. I know the word of God is what kept me. I know every now and then, I had to have had some angels, because sometimes I was so weak but, my God he kept me and wouldn’t let me fall.
Prayer changes as I pray for you, I know Abba Father in the name of Jesus there is some sick in their body, hurt from plan old hurt. Lord your children need and anchor in glory, we need you as our refuge and fortress. I know you will be a glory and a lifter of our heads. The enemy arrived in the form of pain, and he came to alienate your children. I am asking you to assassinate the enemy call sickness in the mind, soul, body or spirit and heal right now. Bind these spirits to the pits of hell into dry places, loose your blood and wrap us in your beloved. Father, you said, suffer little children to come unto to me, my yolk is easy and my burden are light. We need you. Help! you are greatest helper I/we know. I ask you to forgive your children…,In Jesus name.. Amen
Read About: Bold For The Cure
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